Past, Present, Permanent

1. I know that i did not do well for many subjects. bio, physics, chem prac, emaths, geog, ss.

2. I did not study much at home. I was totally slacking and just staring at the blanks.

3. I used the online papers as an excuse to play diablo secretly.

4. I did not keep my promise of staying offline and not blogging till the end of the exams.

5. I didn't mug as hard as sam. I didn't push myself as hard as ng. I didn't store textbooks in my brain.

6. I played pool with minpei when the exams were just days away.

7. I dedicated the afternoon after practical to playing pool (she couldn't make it in the end).

8. Mornings before exams were usually spent sleeping in and even in school i would be lazy to find teachers.

9. I would not be able to pull it off again. One word: Fluke


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Disclaimer:


This weblog entry contains confidential and/or privileged information. If you do not understand what the entry is about, please notify me IMMEDIATELY. Legal action will be taken against you. I am not liable for your being offended, intended or otherwise, regarding the contents of this weblog entry.

last year, when i said that i would be on stage for results day, i meant it as a joke.

this year, results day, i became the joke.

i was sitting there. watching all the 4A and 4B ppl getting their names announced, cheering for all the non-PRC, hoping someone from my class would get a chance to have his name on the screen.

i expected jason to do extremely well. i hoped that dean could follow him up. i was sure that ng would get his not-up-to-expectation 7 points.

dean's name was announced. Value-added Performance. which means he improved a lot, comparing with the PSLE score. Congratulations to him. but looking at his scores since sec 3, it was pretty much expected.

"Am I supposed to be happy with all i ever wanted? It comes with a price."

i got a hint in the morning, but i tried not to let it overwhelm me. i tried to forget those words. i forced myself not to think about it. i knew the real answer would come later.

as i ate lunch with ng we discussed our futures, always keeping in mind that 14 was a very probable L1R5 score. we talked about polys and JCs. we talked about crap. we talked. just like the good old days.

when the time came, i didn't know whether to laugh or be shocked. i didn't know whether to move or sit still. i thought of running to the toilet and not coming back. i was tingling all over. pins joined the needles already on my hands. as i stood, my knees trembled and almost gave way. i cheered for other familiar names and faces appearing on the screen, all the while trying to keep my tears sealed in their ducts.

i tried to appear normal as Mr. Wong pulled the trigger. but being missing from the group was intentional. after all, what's one out of thirty-five? a very small and insignificant name, that would be forgotten in only half a year.

i told myself, no matter what i get, i'll have to accept it and move on. i'm now too embarrassed to ask for anyone's score, knowing that i'll have to reveal mine.

seems like i'll face it alone. it's hard to find someone in the same state as me right now.

then again, i have a knack of getting myself into weird spots.


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Disclaimer:


This weblog entry contains confidential and/or privileged information. If you do not understand what the entry is about, please notify me IMMEDIATELY. Legal action will be taken against you. I am not liable for your being offended, intended or otherwise, regarding the contents of this weblog entry.