Past, Present, Permanent

i guess i have been chasing ghosts before. chasing things that cannot be caught, that cannot be achieved, or just too far gone. impossible dreams. wishful thinkings. maybe it's time to change the mindset. or maybe i'm just too immature. too immature to realise the ridiculousness of some of my aspirations. that song really woke me up (the song below la).

from my interpretation, that song is about someone who is trying to love, but doesn't seem to find that feeling there anymore. that person is, in effect, "chasing the ghost of a good thing" because it's long gone. and 'love is like a role that we play". of course, you shouldn't be 'playing' love. once you do, it's over.

and the other part, while chasing the ghost, the real thing slips away, so quietly, going unnoticed. as we all know, we only miss things once they're not there anymore.

makes me feel like crying. three years ago, i found a friend in a person i thought would be most unlikely to be friends with. i guess we got on quite well. had a few memorable times. and then, i *thought* i found my other half. of course, i had to spend less time with one side. i chose the wrong one. and now, the "real thing" has gotten away from me. once so close, our friendship just disintegrated, right before our eyes. and the 'other half' walked away without so much as a goodbye.

one small mistake for some, one big oops for lum.

like striking the $1,000,000 lottery and then getting totally and completely burgled the next day, due to the oversight of forgetting to close the windows because you were too busy thinking of what to do with the money.

one day, i'll have to make it up to you. and maybe, you'll forgive me for the trouble. but it's ok if you don't. i hope you find happiness in everything you're doing.

and me, dear me. i have to get a grip on myself. going too emotional these few days. blogging is the only way to get these feelings off my chest without putting a human through hours of agony. asking for someone to talk to is taking it too far. no one deserves to listen to complaints and difficulties of a muddled teenager. again, that is why i love this blog. sitting through thick and thin with me. not that it has a choice though, lol.

anyway, what i'm saying is, having someone around who understands is just not the key to acceptance of the problem. you might as well get someone to solve it.

imagine if your water pipe burst. and your best friend's water pipe also burst. so you understand each other's plight, how you both can't bathe or flush the toilet or wash your hands. but if you just sit and cry on each other's shoulders, the problem won't be solved. might as well just get your grumpy next-door neighbour who might not know what you're going through, but has expertise in pipe fixing, to solve the problem.

and this brings up the subject of counsellors. they always say that they will listen to your every problem, and will try to help you out. so you spill everything to them, your life, the image you project, the real human inside you, your weaknesses, everything. and they ask you to do what? "maybe you should talk to your parents about this" or "i think you should find that person and tell him". well, thanks for listening. i have my bedroom wall for that too, you know. why not just make me go blind and deaf, so i cannot be held down by any more difficulties?

ranting, ranting. i could go on and on. i make myself my own best friend. unfortunately i have to eat lunch and get ready for tuition. chinese tuition. supposed to be oral practice, but the conversation bit is so difficult for me that i think the teacher should be paying me for letting her practice her own oral. the only time i get to talk is when i'm asked to read a passage. o.O how nice. at least, i feel, my reading's *slightly* improving, but i need more time.

as always, time is a commodity so rare that each person only has 24 hours a day. and 1/12 of it later, my tuition starts, so i'm off to eat.

love to see the back of me? lucky you.

I guess it's luck but it's the same
Hard luck you've been trying to tame
Maybe it's love but it's like you said
"Love is like a role that we play"

But I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But i believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts

I guess it's luck but it's the same
Hard luck you've been trying to tame
Maybe it's love but it's like you said
"Love is like a role that we play"

But I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But i believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts

Just bend the pieces till they fit
Like they were made for it
But they weren't meant for this
No they weren't meant for this

Just bend the pieces till they fit
Like they were made for it
But they weren't meant for this

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away, away, away, away from you again

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts