Past, Present, Permanent

o.O

big o.O

25th of may. 10:45 pm. 9 more hours till i step into the shaw hall. understandably, it is causing some of my nerves to rattle. but otherwise, i'm quite calm. i hope that is a sign of confidence, not of blurity. fyi i DID do revision of the compo format and letter writing s**t. i think it should be enough. at least i know how to organise my points. i just pray that the question would be easily understood by chinese noobs like me. there's nothing much i can do now. all you can ever learn is all that you already know.

i just realised that me having an email is useless. so seldom do people send me meaningful emails. with the occasional one from jen, carrying a joke of two. but otherwise, it's mostly friendster/WAYN/facebook/junk. since primary 3, when i created this email to play neopets, i have saved up 692 messages. these are the messages that are worth keeping. emails from friends, more-than-friends, ex-friends; personal account information of my maple/neopets/tribalwars/battleon etc; HanCinema newsletters; school/cca stuff; life science stuff... that about sums up the lot. from about seven years this email account has existed, only 692 emails have been saved. if i recieved an email a day, it would be less than one-eighth of it's existence. sigh. i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

should be going out with minpei again tmr. after paper. DUH! more reason to do well for the paper. brrr, nervous. and i have to fix the stupid fotoshop of shaun's which keeps on giving problems to both me and minpei -.- if it can't be fixed, wang hau better have the fotoshop i asked him to burn ready for collection. i'll pay him if i have to. i need the disc.

i wonder if it was a mistake going to the PSA holiday camp. after all, my closest friend there did not become my closest friend anywhere else. although he anchored those memories, it was another who stole the show. now she's off the stage, but relentlessly, yet another has stepped into the shoes. not to mention one more member of this motley crew, which played a side role. i guess, it cannot be considered as a mistake any more than i could consider my very birth a mistake. after all, everything has to happen for a reason, whether or not the reason is clear at any moment in time. falling only teaches you how to get up, and get up stronger we shall.

heaven is here.

can someone help? should i stop thinking about it, erase every memory, forget everything i've done with her? or should i just keep whatever's left, where it's left, and continue on walking? after all, i wasn't the one that backed out. and even if i did, i wouldn't be so rude as to not even let the other party know in person.

wan zhi qing, you are the FIRST and i hope ONLY person i know that breaks up through tagboard.

ok, lets just push that aside, shall we? it does no good to mull over sad pasts one day before 'O' Levels.

i just cut my hair! and i say it looks like the maplestory hairstyle. GI, i've heard. super short, super cooling. no flea would nestle in my crown for fear of being spotted by an overflying crow. and i can save lots on shampoo and haircuts for the next four months at least. no fringe, baby.
i am awaiting a grand entrance into the class tomorrow. either they will give me a 15-minute standing ovation, or they will just point and laugh. ng will go "wat the F?!" andrew will go "walao so short" benchua will do his gay laugh "heehee" jason will laugh like jason "hahaa, hahaa" gan will explode like a gun "HAhahahAHAHAHA" ld will say " what the hell, u cut botak" joel will say "so short!"

and then i will be forgotten, living inconspicuously again. and that might just be the kind of life that suits me. joker for a second, joke till my second life.