Past, Present, Permanent

sigh. i know i'm not good at this, but do you have to rub it in so much? this sense of regret, regret that i got you anything at all, is just killing me. if you gave me a choice, at least respect it. even if it's not what you wanted. i went to great lengths to get it for you. and to tell me that you don't like it is just not the right thing to do. man, just chew on it.

and i have to say, i'm always the only one left out. don't mind me. if you need someone to step on and treat badly, i'm always here. and this special trait of mine won't change anytime soon. after all, if it lasted for more than 15 years, don't expect it to go away.

no point wishing now. this is me and there's no trying to get a better life. reminds me of this story i heard...

during the second world war, the nazis captured a jew and locked him up. one day, the guards dragged him out of his cell and a scientist told him, "i'm going to pierce a tube into your wrist and let the blood flow out until you die. i want to see what blood loss does to a human."
this poor guy was of course very scared. he was placed on the operating table and blindfolded. the scientist took his time and the victim was getting more and more nervous. he started shivering and crying, knowing he would die a very horrifying death, but he couldn't do anything about it.
then it was time for the experiment to take place. being firmly tied down, the guinea pig could not do much but scream as a sharp object was poked into his wrist. he started crying again, with his prior knowledge becoming a reality. he just waited to die...
a few hours later, the scientist inspected the body. the poor jew was as dead as a doornail. laughing heartily, he removed the needle from the wrist of the corpse. it was only then, did blood start flowing. not a single drop of blood left his body before that. the man was perfectly healthy, aside from the fact that he was dead. the needle barely made a mark on his body, and it didn't kill him.
faith did.
his belief that he was definitely going to die was too strong, and that was the reason he passed on. he had no more confidence being able to continue living.
it was forced suicide.

my take on this story: bad things are easier to believe.