as you all know, God is on charge of creation of all babies. one day, his messenger angel was bringing Him a stack of order forms for new babies. but the angel was careless, and accidentally dropped one of the forms for a baby boy. it fell through a hole in the clouds and got sucked into a passing aeroplane's turbine. the turbine malfunctioned, and the plane crashed.
the devil quickly made his way to the crash site to claim souls and bring them to hell. there he found the order form, still in one piece. so he took it back to his lair and started to make his own baby from it. since he had 9 months to spare, he took his time to think about the child he was going to make. being the devil, he instinctively wanted the child to not turn out normal, and of course make him destined for hell in the end.
after a month, he finally thought of the character of the unfortunate baby. the baby would be clueless by nature. and he also gave the kid a short attention span, therefore the child would not be able to concentrate on anything for long. after a bit more thought, he decided that this kid would be unselfish and modest. an unusual piece of kindness from the devil, some would say. but no, since the kid was already clueless, he would be taken advenatge of. coupled with his poor attention span, he wouldn't know that he was in danger till too late. smart devil, huh?
2 months later, the devil was still undecided on the body structure. would this plaything be very tall, or very short? fat or thin? healthy or unhealthy? finally, after much consideration. he decided on neither of the aforementioned traits. this child would be not tall, nor short. he would have a growth spurt sooner than expected, which would make him slightly taller than other peers. BUT, being the devil, he made the growth spurt stop just when everyone else would be starting theirs. so in the end, this boy would be shorter than the usual height. not the shortest, however. the devil didn't want to let him have anything to his name.
halfway throught the process, the cunning devil encountered a small problem. while he was creating his baby, he was also making lots more demons, as the majority of them had died due to global warming. and thus he had an excess of demon flesh. as he was carrying the useless extras away, some of it fell into the little boy's open mouth. the devil didn't notice, however. until it was time to let the baby try on his new teeth. when he opened the mouth, he saw demon flesh assimilating itself to the boy's own meat. the devil, although it was in his power to, didn't remove the demon meat from the sides of the mouth. because demons are naturally revolting to humans, the boy's mouth will try to get rid of the intruding flesh. yes, by biting it off. the problem was, by this time the demon flesh was already absorbed very far into the cheeks and lips. still, the teeth persisted. the innocent cheeks and lips got bitten very badly, and ulcers appeared incessently. if one listens closely, they can hear the maniacal laughing of the demons behind every mouth sore.
the 7th month arrived. it was time to test the hardness of the bones. as it turned out, the devil made his bones a little too hard, and they would not break when confronted by even iron bars. so the devil proceeded to trim away the excess calcium. he tailored them such that the newborn would not be a perfect boy, nor injury-laden. so he trimmed the left arm's elbow bone a little too much, making it prone to fractures. while customising, however, he accidentally stepped on the right foot. the big toe absorbed most of the impact, and became as weak as the elbow bone.
one month later and the blood infusion was due. as usual, the devil was short on clean human blood, so there was a need for a doctor-controlled blood transfer before the kid turned 5. more suffering for the poor child. and the happier the devil became.
it was time for birthing. oh but wait, it was july! no, the devil could not accept the birth of his kid in the nice summer heat. with a flick of his whip-tail, he ordered his servant demons to keep the boy in the deep-freezer for another few months. this effectively stopped all growth of body tissues, which was almost like stopping time. and thus the devil waited.
at the height of winter, the devil decided to release the soon-to-be-born child from his icy prison. but the boy would not enter the world at the start of the year, neither right at the end. instead, to keep himself amused, the boy would be born a few days before the new year, but a few days after christmas. these were the two times the hospitals give out gifts to newborns. duh, the devil didn't want that. and the time for the grand entrance grew closer and closer...
Mr.D checked and rechecked the order form obtained a year ago. the baby was to be born in some temperate country (he couldn't pronounce the name properly), where a couple had been nursing an unnaturally long pregnancy. he briefed and rebriefed his delivery-demon about the timing and date, making sure that nothing would go wrong. finally the time came.
the delivery-demon snatched the package of disgusting human from his master and scurried off eagerly into the night. ah, but it was snowing heavily outside, and demons hated snow. so he took a detour to the big continent of asia and dropped the baby off there, aiming for the sea. but who would have expected a bag of noisy baby to land on an island smaller than the devil's bathroom? but it did, into the arms of a doctor and an expectant couple.
the baby was named Nicholas Lum Aik Yong. and the devil's plan was flawless
